Don't Just EXPECT others to notice.

Happy Monday friends! I’ve got a challenging blog post for you today as you walk into this week.

Alright, let’s start with this REAL case study from an employee at a New York Law firm as documented in the book How Women Rise…

Maureen had worked at this law firm for YEARS, putting in the hard work, long hours, the dedication, detail & heart. She thought that her attentional to detail, success and consistency in going above and beyond would land her partner.

But years would go by, and Maureen didn’t make partner and others were rising ahead.

Maureen finally had enough and let leadership know that partner is what she wanted and told them she was now looking elsewhere for it. Leadership’s response was an overwhelming OF COURSE they’d make her partner to keep her. They did not want to loose her as a very high performing, experienced and valued lawyer at the firm. They just didn’t know that she wanted it.

As Maureen saw the in’s and out’s of the next partner selection she noticed when it came down to the 2 top performing employees they chose the man who had made it clear from day 1 he wanted partner the 1st year he was eligible. The other candidate who hadn’t necessarily explicitly expressed interest in partner was easily set aside from the considerations. Had she spoken up, it would have been an entirely different scenario.

Leadership’s rationale was the candidate who hadn’t said anything wouldn’t expect to get partner as much as the candidate who had adamantly expressed that he wanted it. They thought they may loose him if he didn’t get it, but the candidate who hadn’t been expressive wouldn’t leave over not getting something they didn’t event ask for.

. . .

When I read that case study I was reminded how important it is to speak up for ourselves, to claim our achievements and not just expect others to notice what we want when we haven’t put a stake in the ground about what we want.

What do you want? Set goals, and the people around you that can help you achieve them— LET THEM KNOW! In even one area of your life whether personally or professionally, put this into action this week.

Identify a goal, and the people that would be involved in you reaching that, let them know. It’s time that we value our goals enough to speak up for them!

XOXO

Ash

Don't be reluctant to claim your achievements

Hey friends! So our last three blog posts focused on different recipes for success in 2020. Our next focus will be HABITS TO BREAK in 2020! Our first one is our reluctance to claim our own achievements.

Great work doesn’t always speak for itself. If you’re not willing to be your own advocate and fan why would someone else? This doesn’t make you an obnoxious self promoter, it doesn’t have to be portrayed that way. You can be gracefully happy, proud and confident about a job well done and speak to it with appreciation and gratitude not boastfulness.

Sometimes contrasting your refusal to claim credit for your own good work makes you feel “morally superior” to anyone who is actually just comfortable doing so. This is an excuse to stay in your comfort zone instead of finding an appropriate way to actually be expressive and enthusiastic about your achievements. So, instead of having a posture of, shoulder back, chin up, “YES I DID THAT!” you congratulate yourself for being a wonderful human who doesn’t need to toot her own horn & take solace in that when you are passed over for the next promotion or opportunity.

Sometimes we are just uncomfortable when we receive praise, next time try just saying THANK YOU! Rather than deflecting.

“If you don’t find a way to speak about the value of what you’re doing, you send a message that you don’t put much value on it.” — How Women Rise

Think about your WHY. Why you do what you do, and why you want more opportunity, the next promotion or goal you’ve set. And next time you’re about to deflect your value or let it get looked over, allow that WHY to motivate you to speak up.

So don’t be reluctant to claim your achievements— you GO GIRL!

Ash XOXO

Has the "need to be me" movement gone a little far?

Let me explain.

Reading How Women Rise, they have a full section on this topic of the excessive need to be me.

There’s been a recent emphasis on authenticity in the workplace. Authenticity is great but we’ve turned it into indulging your faults or proclaiming your shortcomings as if trying to change your behaviour would somehow be a betrayal of the real you.

“I’m just not a positive person”

“I’m just not expressive”

“I’m just not a listener”

“I’m just not the self promotional type”

But if you know a behaviour isn’t working for you and you persist on doing it anyway, that’s not being authentic, it’s being stubborn, lazy, and closed off to growth and evolution as a person.

“Whenever you hear yourself proclaiming something that is just not you, you might want to question your motivation. An excessive devotion to a particular self-image can be a rationale for remaining stuck. This type of rationale will get in your way as you seek to rise.” — How Women Rise

So next time we observe a less than admirable quality or behaviour about ourselves, let’s not just blame it on who we are, but let’s seek to grow and rise and better ourselves.

XOXO

ASH

"Don't Start a Sentence with..."

Hey there!

Recipes for Success in 2020 C O N T I N U E D!

Never start a sentence with NO | BUT | HOWEVER.

“No. We’ve already tried that way and we saw how that turned out.”

“But what if that information doesn’t come through as planned?”

“However, there’s one thing you forgot.”

You can disagree with someone, and challenge their ideas, but you can do it in a way that will set the conversation up for success.

You see, NO | BUT | HOWEVER are negative qualifiers that we use habitually but don’t realize how they are a direct contradiction to what someone else is saying. You are disregarding someone else’s well thought out position. You may not mean it that way, but when someone has just been vulnerable enough to share a perspective or idea, and it’s met with NO | BUT | HOWEVER you may as well punch them in the gut.

These are verbal “ticks” that can really impact how people see us and approach us both personally and professionally.

So what do we do when we do have a somewhat critical point to make?

1) Try to find something about what the person has said to affirm and bring positivity too.

”Wow that is a great idea….”

”Yes! Thank you for that. Let’s also consider…”

2) Then, make you point without completely disqualifying what the speaker said before you.

This intentionality and thoughtfulness around your communication and speech with really encourage healthy conversation and encourage people to speak up around you! Don’t miss out or shutdown what people around you may have inside to add value! Let’s live openly and thoughtfully with one another!

XOXO

Ash

Recipes for Success in 2020 "How Women Rise"

On my recent vacation, 5 days at sea without cable, internet, phone service or a computer, allowed me the opportunity (forced me) the opportunity, to read 5 books! They were actually quite amazing and I have a journal FULL of take aways. So my next several blog posts will be letting you in on everything I learned!

This blog is based off of learnings from a book called, “How Women Rise” by Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith.

RECIPES FOR SUCCESS IN 2020.

1) Don’t pass judgement

LESSON: It is better to listen first than weigh in immediately with a response.

Now this isn’t just in the circumstance of passing negative judgement on a person based on third party information or an assumption you may make about their behaviour or appearance. That’s an obvious DON’T. But it’s also when you’re asked your opinion on a decision, situation or circumstance. I had to learn this and am still learning this throughout my time in the workplace.

I’m an eager beaver. If you know me, you know that. When we would have brainstorming sessions, I’d be popping out ideas faster than popcorn could pop. This is a strength of mine, yes. BUT it can’t also make for others to see me as the type of person who doesn’t think before she speaks and is impulsive. (Which sometimes I am :P) BUT I was told that sometimes in meetings, actually intentionally try to NOT be the first person to speak, so that when I do speak it would hold a little more weight.

Back to the passing judgement on others. This is a stupid thing to do. It harms your reputation, and the person’s character that you are talking about. People don’t trust people that gossip and judge others. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but if someone is gossiping to you about someone, they’re probably doing the same thing behind your back. Be the kind of person that shuts down that kind of talk, and doesn’t participate in it either. When it comes up, which it’s bound to, a simple, I’d rather not talk about that. Will shut it down pretty fast.

So there’s the first lesson from my first book! A good one for us all to implement to make this world a better place and live life as a person who is thoughtful & respectful.

Behaviours

You ever find yourself doing something that you clearly inherited from a close family member?

The other day I found myself saying, “yes, no”. And I laughed.

My mom used to do this unique thing with my brother and I when we were kids. When we would ask for something that was just outlandish she’d use the, “yes, no.”

Let me explain.

She used to acknowledge what we were saying with a yes, and then immediately say no.

She’d say yes, and you’d think maybe she’s saying yes, and she’d follow it with no.

It’s a “yes, no.”

“Yes” I hear what you’re saying but, no.

Now whenever she would say this, it was warranted. “Mom I really want a third bag of chips” , “Mom I really want another new sweater for the third time this week.”

I have only ever heard my mom say this, but now, I’m saying it.

Yes Joshua, I know you are hungry but no, we aren’t ordering pizza for the third time in one week after 8 pm.

Yes, no.

It got me thinking about behaviours.

Behaviours are contagious. Most of the time you adapt to the behaviours of the people you are around the most.

What behaviours of yours are positively affecting those around you, helping them thrive? And what behaviours are negatively affecting others, getting in the way of their success and growth?

Let’s stewart our behaviours not only for our own good, but for the good of others. Good behaviours and habits, breed good behaviours and habits. Bad behaviours and habits, breed well, you guessed it, bad behaviours and habits.

It’s like the pizza example. I’m not ordering pizza anymore until post vacation, which means 3 months of no pizza. My disciplined behaviour will affect my husbands’ behaviour to not order pizza (well, maybe, let’s hope.) And so on!

Yes, no. Pizza. Behaviours.

That’s all for today folks,

Ash